I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
