ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
