He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.