I can feel you judging me through the phone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.