So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.