Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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  (804): You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic. (1-804): If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator. http://tfl.nu/r2b2
  Replies (5) Good night (1152) Bad night (555)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (46) Good night (6339) Bad night (948)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

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  (484): Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/jyp5
  Replies (14) Good night (7994) Bad night (797)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11581) Bad night (1171)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12673) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.

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  (412): I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go. http://tfl.nu/523r
  Replies (12) Good night (4239) Bad night (1410)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.

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  (214): Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend. http://tfl.nu/ael4
  Replies (4) Good night (1939) Bad night (649)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.

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  (417): I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/6bqy
  Replies (16) Good night (4979) Bad night (1100)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.

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  (704): I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all. http://tfl.nu/3ryw
  Replies (3) Good night (1088) Bad night (1780)
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  (949): View more from California

  July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31

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  (949): July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31 http://tfl.nu/jg6w
  Replies (9) Good night (2123) Bad night (466)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?

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  (402): Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night? http://tfl.nu/skph
  Replies (9) Good night (2049) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.

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  (681): Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no. http://tfl.nu/cmwe
  Replies (12) Good night (1750) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.

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  (903): Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned. http://tfl.nu/e67l
  Replies (9) Good night (1463) Bad night (867)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.

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  (309): I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina. http://tfl.nu/4eep
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad

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  (978): Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad http://tfl.nu/d7yn
  Replies (7) Good night (1583) Bad night (512)

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