i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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