Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
