dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
