I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
