apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
