We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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