i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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