i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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