my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
