My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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