I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
