Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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