she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am available for nakedness
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
