Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
