Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
