it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
