My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
