Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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