the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
