Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
