btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize