College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
