Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My life is pants optional.
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