i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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