Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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