I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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