whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
