Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
