Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
