90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
