I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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