You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
