Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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