We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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