Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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