my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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