it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
