dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't deserve a penis
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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