I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
