the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
