I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
