My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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