You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
