just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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