I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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