I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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