No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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