Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
