Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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