We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
