...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
