so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
