eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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