Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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