So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
