come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
