omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
