the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?