i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
