she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
