I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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