Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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