I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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