I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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