sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
